I don’t want you. I want me.

I’ve slowly been getting back into dating, but I was really intentional about it. I had just gotten out of a toxic, multi-year relationship, and honestly, it felt like my whole world fell apart at the end of it.

So I gave myself time to rebuild. Not just emotionally, but everything. My health, my finances, my routines, my mindset, my career. I just knew I needed to become better for myself before I even thought about seriously entertaining anyone again.

And I took that seriously. I didn’t date anyone seriously for an over a year. Which, for me, is kind of wild. I love romance. I love connection. I love new energy. I’m always around people. But I knew I needed discipline more than I needed distractions. That doesn’t mean there weren’t moments, though. Little things, conversations, people I met in passing, usually people who were also still figuring their lives out. And a lot of them who were attracted to me and how focused I was, how much I was pouring into myself.

I mean… yeah. That’s attractive. But the more people expressed interest in me, the more I started noticing something. Just because someone is attracted to you doesn’t mean they’re aligned with you. A lot of the time, they were distractions.

And I had to check myself too—because it’s easy to let that kind of attention boost your ego. To feel like you’ve “arrived” just because people want you. But I knew I hadn’t arrived yet. The job wasn’t finished! So I had to get really honest with myself. If someone is in the same in-between stage as me, or moving slower than me, they can’t be part of my life in that moment. I’m trying to meet someone on the other side of the bridge, not someone still figuring out how to cross it. And that shifted everything.

Because now, when I say I want someone “on my level,” I don’t mean money or status or anything like that. I mean mindset. I mean someone who is actively working on themselves. Someone who holds themselves accountable. Someone who wakes up every day trying to move forward, not stay stuck. Someone who is choosing independence, stability, and growth. And not someone who is looking for a relationship to fill a gap, because I don’t want that.

I don’t want to depend on anyone for anything.

And I know some people will hear that and say it’s hyper-independence. That it’s toxic. But to me, it’s not coming from fear, it’s coming from clarity. I’m not operating from anxiety or avoidance. I’m not in fight-or-flight. I just know that if I want something, I’ll go get it for myself. And I’ve learned that that’s actually what people are drawn to. It’s like this unspoken thing of, “I love how much she shows up for herself… I wonder if she could do that for me.” And the truth is, I could. But I don’t want to.

Because if you can’t show up for yourself the way I show up for myself, then we’re not a match. I don’t want to pour into someone who isn’t pouring into themselves. That kind of dynamic will never feel balanced to me.

The same way I wake up every day and do what I said I was going to do, even when I’m tired, even when I don’t feel like it, that’s the kind of energy I’m attracted to. Not admiration, not potential, but execution.

I used to think I was attracted to ambition, but I’ve realized I’m actually attracted to people who follow through. People who live like they mean what they say. Not for me, but for themselves. Because I don’t dream about someone coming into my life and completing it.

I dream about the life I’m building for myself.

And if someone comes into it, I don’t want them to want me more than they want themselves.

I want them to meet me there.